Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Tale of Paul Bunyan Forest

The teenage scientist was fiery, emotional, moody, sassy, and sharp. Maybe some things never change...? Anyway, when I was a young teenager, I went with my grandparents, Auntie Marnia and her family to Northern Minnesota for a week every August. It included fishing, boating, swimming, card games, and amazing meals complements of my talented grandparents and Auntie Marina.

One year, I think it was when I was 13, Grandma, Auntie Marina, Aleksander, a very young Brennen, and I went for a day drive to Paul Bunyan Forest. This forest has one narrow dirt road in which visitors can drive to be close to nature! Or something like that. We entered the forest in the minivan in the late morning. 

As we were slowly making our way through the forest, the conversation turned to wild animals. 

"Grandma, what would do if a mountain lion walked in front of the van?" I asked.

"Well, I would just watch and wait for it to leave. If a mountain man, however, came walking up, I would be a little concerned. And I might have to use the van if he became feisty." she replied.

"You would run over a mountain man??" I asked.

"If he was threatening us, sure. I might have to use force."


I must have been acting like a stubborn, moody teenager, because then the conversation took an interesting turn.


"We just might have to send you out to deal with the mountain man. He'll need a female to procreate out there in the woods," Grandma said with Auntie Marina's approval.


"WHAT??!!!? You would leave me with a mountain man?!!!!?!?! TO MAKE BABIES! THAT'S GROSS! OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT!!!" I protested. 

"If we needed to offer you up so he would leave us alone, yes. I'm too old and Marina already has children. You are young so you'll do," Grandma reasoned. 

"You would leave your own granddaughter and niece to a mountain man!! That is so mean! I can't believe you two would do that!!!!!"

We ventured in and after sometime, we spotted an small A-frame cabin off in the forest.

"I wonder if someone still uses that cabin," Auntie Marina wondered, "there's a wood pile there, so probably."

"Erin, go check it out. We'll wait here," Grandma said.

"ARE YOU NUTS?!? You just said that you would leave me with a mountain man!" I replied. 

As we continued to follow the road, the conversation drifted back and forth between the lack of animals and the mountain man. We drove through this boring forest (remember, I was 13) for what seemed like a tortuous eternity. 

"We have been driving here forever. There is nothing out!" I complained. 

"I think we've been driving in circles. We might be lost, Erin. That tree looks familiar," Auntie Marina said. 

Grandma and Auntie Marina start laughing.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

A logger truck appeared from nowhere and there was almost a collision. I imagine that the truck driver was just as surprised as Grandma and Auntie Marina. 

This story is one of those classic family tales that is told at holidays, or any large family gathering. The sound of Grandma and Auntie Marina's giggles turning to screams will never escape my memory.

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