You don't need money, don't take fame

The good news is that I did just fine on the test. I keep thinking of the episode of "Full House" where D.J. is anticipating taking the SAT.

"It's no big deal, it's just a test."

After sitting in traffic and fretting that I was late and would not be let in (only to find out that there is a 30 minute period to arrive after 8 AM), I was insulted by a stranger then I yelled something not so nice back. I rarely use such vitriolic language to strangers (well people in general, except for this and scary steakhouse man) and I shed some tears a few moments later. In retrospect, I probably looked completely ridiculous. However, the guy working the front of the test center looked completely calm and handed me a glass of water. It's probably not the first time he has seen tears in the testing center.

I will get the official scores by November but I have a rough estimate of my verbal and quantitative scores. The results are satisfactory and a vast improvement from my previous scores. My verbal score is apparently between the 65-80 percentile, which is awesome for me. It means that my score was better than 65-80% of all test takers' scores. Woot! And the best news is, I don't have to take it ever again!!

I am working on finishing my application materials for PhD programs. I have been blessed by the Universe to have a few great opportunities. Just putting my best foot forward. Some readers who are close friends of mine may know the schools that I am applying to, but I'll wait until I know more to reveal anything too detailed here. If I get into more than one program, it will be very difficult to choose.

My data collection is coming to a close but it has been successful and enlightening. I saw two American kestrels and five loggerhead shrikes today. I have driven this route three times before and this is the first time that I have seen shrikes (and kestrels, but they don't breed here). I suspect that some or maybe all of the shrikes I saw today are wintering visitors. I feel lucky every time I see one. There are still scissor-tailed flycatchers, but fewer. Also, the stfc's that I am seeing now may be migrants coming from KS and OK on their way to central America. Although it is still hot here, the harbingers of the season change have arrived. I have spotted a few northern breeding birds on their way to the wintering grounds. The first kestrels have appeared.

One more month until my visit to Minnesota! I miss everyone and I can't wait to come. I hope the weather is nice. I am ready to wear sweaters in October again. I still can't stand even the thought of wearing jeans or long sleeves in a Texas September.

Thanks Netflix for your sub-par customer service but your selection of movies on streaming is satisfactory. I just watched Lo. Not a horror film as advertised, but worth a watch. I recently watched SmileyFace. Every time I watch Anna Farris in a movie, I like her more and more.

Alternet (if you have never visited, check it out. But if your a teapublican living in la la land or believe that the super rich are "job creators", well it will probably make your skin crawl) was a powerhouse of awesomeness yesterday. This piece was my favorite. But there were some other great ones, here, here and here.

Another story that surfaced yesterday is worth sharing again (I even shared this one on fb, even though I am cooling it on the fb posting).

To wonder!

It is estimated that there are 100-500 billion galaxies in the Universe. Not just stars, but galaxies. The vastness is incomprehensible.

"For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love." - Carl Sagan (of course)

Dr. Lopes, who teaches a seminar that I am taking, greeted me with a big smile and said "Erin, the Carl Sagan  reader!"

Kiss today goodbye

Conversation on the TX State bus this morning:

"Dude, it's awesome that my dealer is also my best friend."
"Yea, that's really convenient."
"It was totally destiny."

I take the GRE (for the LAST time) on Friday. I hope I do well and don't completely bomb it and end up on the street because no PhD program will take me due to an abysmal score. Universe, please let me get into a PhD program!! Please let my master's thesis be AWESOME! I am cramming (so to speak) today and tomorrow. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let me defeat myself. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a good score!!!! I just might jump off a cliff if I don't. This stupid f***ing test, doesn't measure my competence and potential as a scientist.

I'm not bitter at all.

My decision to come to TX was the right one, but after this I am totally done living at latitudes below 40 degrees. It is too damn hot for too long down here at 29 degrees. I understand that this summer is exceptionally hot, but I really prefer temps in the 60's and 70's in September, not 90-100+. It is the 21st day of the month currently 95 F. I'll be ready to go back up north when this is all done. Leave it to a Minnesotan to discuss the weather.

Fringe starts again on Friday night (seriously, who the hell is at home to watch tv on a Friday... oh wait, me) so I bought the third season a few weeks ago. Blake and I have had Fringe marathons over the last 2 weeks.

Ashton Kutcher made his debut on Two and a Half Men this week. I didn't watch it but it's all the rage this week in the world of television.

Also happening this week is an execution of a (likely) innocent man. I thought the justice system was supposed to prove your guilt, not your innocence. Is this state-sanctioned murder? I say yes. And along with thousands (maybe over a million) other souls, this is an unbelievable event, the state-sponsored murder of a man that probably did not commit the crime. I was explaining this to Blake yesterday and he asked, "Is he black?" "Yes," I respond. He sighed and said, "That's probably why."

Are we too barbarian?

And there's this. It reminded me of a great piece that I read on Alternet last month.

Won't forget, can't regret what I did for love.

Just bust a move

My day started early since data collection was Tuesday morning's calling. It seems like there are more hawks than there have been during the summer, but that may not be real (yet, at least). The scissor-tailed flycatchers are still hanging out, but will be gone soon. It's possible that these individuals are migrants, but there is no way for me to tell (within the scope of my study). My data collection is coming to a close soon. Then comes the part where I actually have to do something with it.

If you happen upon an OK state quarter, check out the picture.

Even though it is still quite warm here, the rest of the things I associate with fall move in like any other year. Glee is premiering right now! I would totally be a musical theater actress if I wasn't a scientist (and if I could sing well, of course).

The rat herd is doing well but exponentially messier than 2-3 rats. The babies are almost as big as Phoebe. I wonder if young rat moms have stunted growth. She is even smaller than her sister, Io. At least she does not bite anymore and (sometimes) lets me hold her. Gus says, "let ME hold her, ah hahahha". Nice try, feline. 

Rock lobster

"Cleveland, sit down. I'm gonna play you a little song that kept me going when I had troubles."

Lately I am so confused, I really don't know what to do.

Is really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved?

Would life be better if I was a clam?

The GRE and I meet once again on Friday morning. Hopefully I will walk away as the victor with the test as my slain dragon. Or something like that.

Fog, a lost site around here, covered the landscape this morning. The rat babies are over 5 weeks old now. Zeus and Splinter have moved into their bachelor pad. They are growing quickly. Chocolate chip cookie was the special Sunday treat.

I want inner peace.

Enjoy the soundtrack.

Football is back but the heat has stayed. At least the rains came and now it is cooler.

Gypsy

Some days, well right now most days, I wish I was a clam. Or something of that nature. I don't know what it's like to be a clam, but they lack complex social relationships and emotions (at least in the human sense). NOFX says clams have feelings, too (actually they don't). Wisdom from pop culture.

On the other hand, you can probably guess that I recognize the wonder and beauty that comes with such a large neo-cortex and complex social relations, so I don't really want to be a clam...(?) But the power of our enlarged cerebral cortex comes with a price. A large one.

Suddenly I found myself as Erin the instructor, Erin the graduate student. Moving into a Brave New Phase. It's scary and exciting. It's full of promise, uncertainty, doubt, growth, and soul-searching. Once, everything was clear. And now, it's muddled again.

Complex social relations means complex emotions and situations. Hats off to natural selection! Thanks for this  very large neo-cortex, but some days I feel the price is too high.

How 'bout those clams?

Paradigm shifts, transience, Texas, relational ecology, scissor-tailed flycatchers.

Do I miss the way it was? That depends. The way it was, and has always been, changing at a rapid pace.

I'm in the infancy of yet another phase; one (hopefully) set to begin next fall. The winds may have something else for me.

Will the nightmares and patchy sleep end when this is all resolved? Will it ever be resolved? Will the headaches cease? What more do I need?

Things are currently volatile, sometimes hostile. And hot.

Although, wouldn't you know, it rained today. Poured. Thunder roared and lightening flashed. The limestone kept the water on the roads. I left the umbrella at home and walked in the rain.

I'm sorry

My intention was never to hurt anyone. If I have caused any sort of hurt, I am truly sorry. I may not get a chance to tell you and you may never see this. But at any rate, for whatever it's worth, I really am sorry.