We are closer

There was a time, not so long ago, when I had incredibly sour familial relationships. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I fought bitterly with my younger brother. With a fierce independence, I frequently challenged my parents on what was best for me. As I grew and began college, I changed drastically. My thoughts, beliefs, interests, and values changed dramatically as I learned more about myself and the world. As everyone knows, I became quite passionate about science, the environment, and conservation. I became a vegetarian and later a "flexitarian" where I sparingly eat humanely and eco-consciously raised chicken and beef and sustainably harvested seafood. I also lost my faith in any sort of deity. I became a naturalist who believes in no god or gods and no heaven nor hell. I strongly advocate biological evolution and the respect for all living creatures. I am the one who uses cloth grocery bags, compact-fluorescent light bulbs, and plant-based cleaners. I actively compost, buy organic produce and shade-grown coffee. I found myself with pet rats. My idea of a great day is spending it outdoors watching for wildlife. I also found myself to be a passionate liberal.

All of these things were foreign to my non-scientist and church-going family members. They had known me all of my life and I became a person who was incredibly different than everyone else. I became the odd one out. According to them, all I could ever talk about were "controversial" topics. I considered those topics important and interesting, anything but controversial. As time went by, I found it more and more difficult to fit in with the same people who raised me and who I had known my entire life. My mother once asked me why I could not be normal.

I was angry. I wish they could understand. I wish they felt the same way as I do. Why DON'T they care about the state of the planet and our resources? I had a severe argument with my brother's finance one spring and I purposely let that relationship fall apart. I had (and continue to have) numerous arguments with many family members about my lack of belief in a god. I felt so bitter that I wanted nothing more than to cut most of them out of my life. I told my mom that I refused to attend my brother's wedding. I stopped referring to them as my family. I called them "those who I am genetically related to". I was exhausted from the fighting and the bitterness. I had to do something differently.

With the help of a wonderful therapist and a daily dose of Paxil, I learned to start letting the anger go. My relationships with my parents began to improve as I started managing my stress better. I learned to be more patient and empathic towards those who have different values and opinions than me. I forgave one aunt for something that I had been holding against her for about 2 years. I still disagree with some family members, but I learned to embrace our shared interests instead of focusing on our differences. I could go on for a while, but the moral of the story is that I am finally happy. I still have bad days and I still wish I could change the behavior of my more wasteful relatives. We will not always agree, but I learned that we can still have good relationships. Life is just too short to fight constantly.

With all of that said, I am really going to miss them when I move to Texas. I wish I could spend more time with my many cousins. I feel lucky to have become closer to my cousin Nathan and to have repaired my relationship with his mother.

I remember when I was younger and I despised my younger brother, Josh. He was annoying, relentless and he always seemed to get his way. Everyone told me that someday, we would be the best of friends. I scoffed at those comments. I am happy to say that I think that day has finally come. I am so proud of Josh.

I will miss you.